I am not an agent of change!

     It has been awhile since I’ve written here, but I’ve not forgotten you, my fair reader!  There have been many changes going on at the Brown ranch, so much so that they have gotten me to do some serious soul-searching and have some serious on-my-knees time with God.   Let me fill you in.

      Back in mid-January, my wife Tammy gets a Facebook friend request from someone claiming to be one of her brothers.  Now other than her youngest brother, she has not seen or spoken to any of her natural siblings in at least 20 years.  Tammy had grown up in a family that was, by definition, way beyond dysfunctional and she pretty much had seperated herself physically and emotionally from that painful past.  To get a request to be “friends” from a brother she hadn’t seen in that long of time seemed almost surreal.  Her brother Tim was 42, mentally impaired with a low IQ  and he could not read or write; so how could he find her on a social networking site of all places?

     Tim had been living in western New York, renting a room in a mobile home with the elderly mother of his landlord as his housemate.  His landlord was physically, mentally and emotionally abusing Tim, and he needed to get out from this situation.  Through compassionate and computer-savvy neighbors, he was able to find Tammy on facebook.  Over a period of about 3 weeks, Tammy and Tim talked daily as he sought protection and sanctuary from his grim circumstance.   Many tears were shed by both of them as Tim begged her to come get him.

     On February 7th, Tammy, Alena and I loaded up the van for the 11 hour drive to Erie, PA, our stop for the night before proceeding another hour up the shore of Lake Erie the next day to Dunkirk, NY.  We met with Tim’s social worker for an hour, then loaded Tim’s meager belongings into the back of our minivan and pulled out of the ice and snow covered parking lot for the start of a journey we couldn’t have conceived of only a month before.  After a quick stop at Walmart for a change of clean NEW clothes and sneakers for Tim, we started heading south for the start of a new chapter in all of our lives.

     When we first moved to Columbia, one consideration we had in looking for a home was that it had sufficient space for us to have an extra room, which we planneded as both an office for me and as a guest room.  Two weeks after we moved in, we had our plans abruptly changed by the health of Tammy’s dad.  He lived his last year with us in that “guest” room, where we had a hospital bed installed, a TV mounted on the wall and a dresser for his clothes.  The past 3 years has seen the hospital bed go and a set of bunk beds put in that room for Alena’s friends to sleep in when she has sleepovers.  So now another change was in order.  This, in God’s great planning, was to become Tim’s room.

     The past 3 weeks have not been without incidents.  Tim smokes and we don’t, Tim has had very little if any exposure to true love that only God can give.  He is subject to a type of panic disorder onset by stressful situations and he has other issues going on that will require professional help and counseling.  This is all so new to me that it is taking all the energy, courage and strength I can muster to keep my head clear and in the game. 

     This is where I am at now….I have come to one conclusion and that is this; I cannot do this on my own or just with my wife.  WE cannot do this by ourselves or together.  We must rely on the strength that only having a personal relationship with God can give.   We can’t do this on our own, WE CAN DO THIS WITH GOD LEADING THE WAY!!!!

    I am learning the importance of not being bothered by constant change.  I can’t stop it so don’t fight it.  Change is inevitable…but the most important lesson learned is that even in the midst of all the changes going on, God’s love for me never changes because God never changes.  Any one who tells you differently doesn’t know God.

Love ya’ll!!

We are moving……

Due to some recent changes and after much praying about it, Tammy and I resigned our positions and responsibilities within the church we have been in fellowship with for the past 3 1/2 years.  In doing so, we believe we are following what God would have us do and not what we want.  If we had a choice we would stay where we were comfortable, but we feel God is taking us out of our comfort zone again and leading us to another place of ministry.  Please join with us in prayer as we pursue HIM and the direction he has for us.  Pray also for others effected by the changes that I alluded to, that only God  receives any glory and honor out of it. 

Now for those of you concerned about the title of this blog-episode, the answer is NO, WE ARE NOT MOVING AWAY FROM COLUMBIA (unless directed by God to do so)!  We are simply looking for a different church home.  We still love all of our church family at our old church and we will continue to LOVE AND PRAY for you.  We will miss the weekly fellowship, but we will also look forward to fellowship with other believers (especially new believers and seekers). 

LOVE TO ALL!!

HAROLD

God is good!!!!

This has been a real exciting week here at the Brown house….first we refinanced our house then rewrote our auto and homeowner’s insurance; between these moves we will save about $1800 a year in payments. Next, I had some issues with my truck dying on the interstate this morning, but God stepped in in a big way by first providing a temporary loaner from one of my good friends (thanks Jimmy!!) while we see if the truck can be fixed or must be replaced….to which God provided the funds either way through an unexpected bonus at work today.
My point today is not how much I have been blessed with, but WHO provided the blessing. To know God and to know his son Jesus Christ is what I am all about. I want to introduce you to him not as a sterile, unapproachable entitiy hiding away in a far off place, but as someone who really loves you and wants to wrap his arms around you and tell you he has a better plan for you. Give up a little of yourself and let him speak to you; you know you want to experience him…let go and give it up to him. Let me know how it goes, Love you guys,
Harold

A Major Turning Point

Hello my  readers and travellers in this journey we call life. 

Have you ever had a major turning  point in your life; or perhaps you had a memorable day impact your life so much not because of some major change, but because you chose to make a (to you) minor change in your daily routine.  I have had one of those days (of the second kind) this week. 

As many of you who have known me for more than a year know, I am a former heavy duty, gotta-have-it, stinkin’, smelly 1 1/2 pack a day chain smoker.  (OK…some of you think I’m still smelly or stinkin’…I’m OK with that, you’ve got your opinion.)  I quit on 12/27/08, so this coming Sunday will officially be my 1 year anniversary.  I started smoking when I was 19, so I’d been a tobacco user (cigarettes and smokeless tobacco) for almost 29 years.  As humans, we are creatures of habit.  My smoking habit consisted of having 1 cigarette on my back porch before eating breakfast, then chain smoking in my truck all the way to whichever store I was servicing for my employer, taking at least 2 breaks in the day to go out to my truck and have a smoke (and actually planning my workflow around them) + sitting in my truck during lunch breaks and smoking more.  Then I drove home after work, again smoking til I got home, after which I would sit at out patio table on our back porch, no matter what the weather was like.  I have sat out there in sub-freezing weather, in rain storms, in 100 degree South Carolina heat, you name it, I’d smoked through it.  It got so bad that I actually ran an extension cord on my back porch to accomodate my work laptop and a television.  I was not only seperating myself from my family physically, but spiritually and emotionally.  I had created my own cubicle, solitary confinement or bubble where I spent most of my time. 

When I quit smoking, I suddenly found myself faced with the fact that I had abandon my family relationships in favor of cigarettes.  For 14 of our 16 years together, I had used my smoking as a tool to open the chasm between my wife Tammy and I.  Now it was gone, and I found myself having to deal head-on with issues I had formerly ignored. 

In the past year, God has blessed me with just enough sense to know how I screwed up, how to make it right and how to let HIM have all the glory for the changes evidenced in me, but as we all try to do, I wanted to still hold onto the past.  I had 1 pack of cigarettes  that I have been holding onto since last year.  I found them in my glove box of my old company van in March or April this past year.  I was really surprised to find them so I decided to keep them “JUST IN CASE”.  In September, my company took my company van back as lease expired and put me on an auto allowance, which meant I had to provide my own vehicle.  I was given a 20 year old Ford Ranger pickup by my son as he had just purchased an almost new car.  In moving everything out of my van into the pickup, I thought about throwing that last pack of smokes away.   Several other times during the last 7 months I had been tempted to open that pack, take a smoke out, light it up with one of the lighters I still kept in my truck, and go back to the habit and lifestyle I had created.    Just 1 little smoke wouldn’t hurt!  It was a major security blanket for me to know that I had that pack there anytime I wanted it..but God has a funny way of dealing with us. 

In God’s word (the Holy Bible),  God tells us through the words of the Apostle Peter (1st Peter 1:13-16) 

Be Holy

 ¹³Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed. ¹⁴As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. ¹⁵But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; ¹⁶for it is written: “Be holy, because I am holy.”

God has been dealing with me in such a way that I don’t want to have any part of my old lifestyle back.  He has been working inside me to boldly proclaim him and his message.  I took a small action yesterday in taking that pack of smokes out of my truck and giving them away.  I told the guy I gave them to a short version of this story.  I am praying I can be used by God to open this young man’s eyes, ears and heart to God’s message of forgiveness.  Here is the basic outine of that forgivness:

Knowing we have a sense or right and wrong in us from birth and that wrong being called sin, we also need to know what is truly right.  God gave his son, Jesus Christ to become sin for us.  How is that possible?  God sent Jesus to live here on Earth as a tempted, but sinless perfect sacrifice.  He was called “the Lamb without Stain” or the “Perfect Holy Lamb of God”.  These two statements refer to the Jewish practice (that Jews do not typically practice today) of offering as close to the most perfect white lamb, with no defects or blemishes, to be sacrificed on the high priest’s altar as an atonement for the sins of the people.  Here Jesus was without ANY sin, being placed on criminal’s place of death, so that he might take all of our wrongdoing and let it die with him.  But it doesn’t end there…Jesus did not stay in the death masoleum or tomb.  As prophecied (like his birth and death) Jesus the Christ  (the Messiah or Chosen One) was raised up from the dead BY HIS OWN POWER and he left the forgiveness in place of our sin. 

God wants you to find this forgiveness.  God wants you to look for it in his son Jesus Christ.  If you are feeling lonely or unfulfilled, God knows it already.  If this holiday season seems empty, God wants to be part of it.  Choosing to accept that this is for real can be THE major turning point in your life.  I’m not going to say life is better, or that you are going to hear angels singing, or that life will be rosy and cheerful all the time.  The difference is I have someone to go to whether I’m up or down who wants me to be the best I can be through his power and help.

Whr R U gng 4 Thxgvng?

     In this day of quick serve, fast food, express line checkouts, and online instant banking, do we ever slow down enough to think about how truly grateful we should be for what we’ve been blessed with?   I know I get caught up in the busy-ness of life sometimes and forget about how I got what I have.

    Thanksgiving Day (as most American school children are taught) was initially celebrated by the first permanent English settlers in the New England region at near what is now Plymouth, Massachusetts.  They shared a fall harvest celebration with the Native Americans they had befriended.  The settlers were by majority seperatists from the Church of England, and they wanted to share in the bounty of what they had produced (with the Indians help) with their new-found friends; but even moreso, they wanted to show these people their gratefulness to God for getting them to the point where they were, and for supplying the needs they had.  

     This coming Thursday, most families in America will celebrate Thanksgiving Day.   Unlike most  meals,  a prayer might be said over the meal and then it is stuff yourself till you can’t eat anymore.  Let me ask a question here…Why is it that in the land of plenty, where we have 365 days to thank God for his blessings to us, we choose to do so for one day only, then actually relegate this distinction  to a mear prayer over a meal that lasts less than 30 seconds?  Where is the real thanks?  Where is the heart that is truly grateful for what we have? 

     For the past week, I have been posting on my Facebook page daily thankfulness postings.  These are random things I am grateful to God for.  My long time friends know I am one who continually thankful for what I have.  I have been blessed with a great family, a home, food, heat, electricity, running water (both hot and cold no less).  I have a pickup and minivan (Tammy’s) that run well….I have good health, a steady job, a great network of friends, both old and new, I could go on and on thanking God for what most people overlook as true blessings.

    I have one  thing to be thankful for that has not been mentioned above; I thank God for not giving up on me…you see God gave his only son, Jesus Christ to live here on Earth as a man, to lead a perfect, unstained, sinless life and then allow him to beaten, spit on, mutilated beyond recognition and left to die a criminal’s death sentence on a cross.  Jesus one “crime”…to say he was the promised Messiah…he had fulfilled ALL of the prophecies foretold centuries before his birth, he performed miracles that no one there could deny, he led a life of humility and servanthood, yet was treated like a felon because he had the audacity to say I AM THE KING OF THE JEWS, THE MESSIAH, THE ANOINTED ONE!  This story doesn’t stop there…his death was just the beginning of the story!  Christ’s resurrection from the dead 3 days later gave proof of his claims and sealed all of the prophecies made about him.  This is the Christ I serve; this is the Christ I worship!

I have so much to be thankful for, but my relationship with Jesus Christ is the thing I am most thankful for!!!

Nov. 14,2010

P.S.   I posted thisblog almost 1 year ago but I still go back to it every once in a while to reflect.  The real question I ask myself is “Am I “reflecting” Jesus in my personal life?”  Can people see Christ in me or do they see just me trying to do life on my own?  Does writing a spiritual sounding blog make me more Christ-like or is it the actual life I live?  I want to be known for the way I live my life, not by what I write, so I am issuing a challenge to all of my friends, family and those I ever come in contact with.  I am asking you to personally confront me if you see me doing, saying or being anything that is other than what you would expect from Jesus Christ himself.  For my friends who do not follow my faith in Jesus Christ, please base my actions on the basis of what your faith deems a righteous life.  Your feedback is greatly appreciated.

I am truly sorry!

    Most of you that know me, know that I have smoked cigarettes since I was 19.  I smoked up to one and a half (1 1/2) packs per day for the past 28 years.  And most of you that know me also know that, by the grace of God, and through the scientific breakthrough of a prescription drug called Chantix, I was able to quit smoking once and for all.  I followed the protocols, took the medication as prescribed, and was able to wean off cigarettes in the matter of 2 weeks time.  It has been since December 27th, 2008 that I have been smoke free! (Thank you, Lord!)

     A Facebook  friend of mine is thinking of using Chantix, so she asked for advice from her Facebook friends.  She wanted to know the real experiences and successes that people have had using this drug, so I told her my story.  In retelling the story and in sharing how life is now without smoking, my eyes were definitely opened by God to some very strong parallels, messages and conclusions.

     I am a follower of Jesus Christ, but I am not perfect.    I must apologize to the many friend that I have that read my blog if they have ever met someone who said they were a “Christian, Saved, Sanctified, or Spirit Filled”, but really didn’t lead a life that was any different than anyone else.  A true follower of Jesus Christ strives to live daily as Jesus did; by being humble, loving, forgiving, compassionate, sincere, and most of all (to me) by living a life of holiness.  Holiness can be defined as this: US SECURING A NEW REPUTATION through JESUS CHRIST!   I now have a REPUTATION as a former smoker, but furthermore, I am securing a NEW REPUTATION through Christ in that I am giving up my OLD SELF (and my old way of living) and putting on Christ’s way of living. 

    For this to make any sense to you, you have to know where I came from in my life.  I ask that you read my last blog for some of this information in order to understand that I was not a very nice guy to be around.  By God’s grace (getting what I don’t really deserve) and by his mercy (not getting what I really do deserve), I have been transformed.  I am not the same man I was 20 years ago.  This is the reason for this blog.  I owe apologies to many different people who I have offended, taken advantage of, stolen from, demeaned or demoralized, or just made sick because of my apathy towards them.  Just as when I was a smoker, I offended a lot of people with my lifestyle.  As a smoker, all of my non-smoking friends, family, customers and so forth had to tolerate the shear smell of cigarette smoke on my body, in my clothes, in my breath; to you people I want to say “I am sorry” for that.  But even moreso, I am sorry and am truly regretful of my past and ask for forgiveness for my actions against you in my past.  I regret so many stupid decisions I made when I was younger, and only now I am seeing how wrong i was.  I had asked God, through his son, Jesus Christ to forgive me for this stuff 15 years ago, but I never asked those who I had directly offended to forgive me.  Now is that time!   I love all you guys , but moreso, I love God and want to follow what he wants me to do.

Thanks for taking the time to read this!  If you want to talk about anything I’ve blogged about, email me (insurancemanharold@yahoo.com) or IM me on facebook if we are facebook friends! 

Til next time

Harold

It’s Been Awhile

     Sorry I haven’t posted anything in awhile, but you know, I’m only human! I was reminded this in many different ways this week. God always knows how to get the message across to us, but sometimes we are so thick-headed that we only hear ourselves talking and we drown out everything and everyone else. So, where to begin….
A couple of weeks ago, my pastor (and one of the most awesome guys in the world) Dave Bryan, during a sermon series on Being “Transformed” asked for volunteers to help with a sermon he will be preaching on the 10th of Aug. I felt led by that small, but strong voice we can hear sometimes (the Holy Spirit) to help out wherever or however Dave needed me. When we met after church services, he explained what he wanted to do. He wants us to write down our testimony (or in other words how we ourselves have been transformed by God through belief and acceptance of his son, Jesus Christ as our guide and saviour). Then we are to take that testimony and pare it down to 2 simple statements; the first is where we were, the second is how God has changed or “transformed” our lives, then write these each on opposite sides of a sheet of cardboard. 

     I will tell you what…this was a challenge for me!  There is so much bad stuff in my life, that I didn’t want to face any of it, but God had a different plan.  I was forced to confront my lost childhood, lost to the sexual abuse I received at the hands of my father.  I was forced to recall a part of my life between the ages of 18 and 30 that I wanted to completely forget…a time of bad choices, stupidity, bad friends, too many drugs, too much alcohol, too many one-night stands, all in an attempt to find truth or a sense of order in a world that made no sense.  I once figured out that between 1985 and 1990, I spent somewhere in the vicinity of $55,000 just on cocaine.  Money just pissed away as they say!  I even went so far as to become a probationary member of the Warlocks motorcycle gang.  Drugs, sex, booze, bad buddies,  WHERE DID YOU LEAVE ME?  ALONE, EMPTY, LOOKING…

     In an attempt to bring myself away from what I and others (thanks, Bob Harper!) could see I was into, I seperated myself from my biker buddies, I quit doing coke (cold turkey… not recommended unless God is leading the way!!) and started getting my life back together.  It was during this time (Dec.1993) that I met my wife Tammy, a single mom struggling to make ends meet.  We were both looking to fill voids left in our lives and God knew just how to meld those voids.  Through what we at first considered chance meetings, we were introduced to our old home church in Apopka, FL (Westside Community Church) by a friend of Tammy’s (Hi, Wendy White) from a toddler reading class at the library, and then by a friend of mine (Hi, Drew McLain) from our son’s Cub Scout pack who also attended (and still does) Westside.

     Through these friends and others, God turned both Tammy’s and my life around.  We re-learned how to trust God and others, we connected with others who were on this same journey of searching for answers that made sense, we re-commited our lives to God and his work, and we’ve studied God’s word (The Bible) with a renewed interest and understanding.  I started teaching a men’s bible study once in a while until God and my mentors were confident I could lead and teach on a regular basis.  Then, just as everything seemed to be chugging right along, with us gaining speed and growing,  God had other plans!!!  (I could hear him whisper…”Harold, your friends might move to Columbia,SC…regardless of whether they do or not, you and Tammy are going to move up there!”)  COLUMBIA, SOUTH CAROLINA!!!!  THAT’S LIKE BEING SENT TO BFE…IT’S A REDNECK OUTPOST OF ATLANTA!!! I am a southern boy, but to me, Columbia,SC was about as far away as Jupiter!  The only person I even knew in Columbia was an old friend who was an assistant coach for the University of South Carolina football team, and Lord knows he was too busy with football to show me around town!  Well, God had all this worked out too!!!!

     God had it all worked out for me to simply transfer up to Columbia with my company because he created the need for another account rep at just that time.  Even in a bad market, God was able to find renters for our home in Florida as well as secure 100% financing for our new home in South Carolina.  God provided a house that EXACTLY met every need we had, and was in our price range.  And God has not stopped providing…

     Now I could go on and on about how great of a provider God is,and I could tell story after story of how we have seen God work miracles in others lives, but my friend, I cannot, nor will I ever be able to convince you to trust God for yourself.  All I can offer you is this..I know what he has done in my life, I can tell you the miracles he has done with me, I canshow you where I’ve come from and I can show you the direction God is taking me and if you are not convinced that God is real, and alive and working in me, I’ll never talk about it again with you!   I simply ask you to give it a try!  Will you do that?  

Let me know either way, if you could!

Getting Reacquainted

“I hope it’s not this long before we talk gain”

“Man, we haven’t talked in ages!”

“It’s always good to hear from an old friend”

     Maybe you have said one of these lines recently…I know I sure did.  I have recently been renewing old friendships via Social Networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and Linkedin.  One of the old friends I found (or rather she found me) was a girl I went to high school with named Diana.  We reminisced about old times, caught up on families and friends, talked about sports teams we both like and when everything was said and done, we had simply reactivated a friendship that had sat dormant for almost 30 years.

Do you remember, friend, going to Sunday School or CCD classes, and learning about God?  Do you remember how good it felt to know there was this big, unseen force out there that LOVED YOU and cared about you?  It’s not too late in your life to get reacquainted with God.  He still loves you and still cares for you!   No matter what you’ve done, where life has taken you, what mistakes you’ve made, God is still there…waiting for you to reach up to him and talk to him. 

    God has not forgotten you!  Call him, he’s ready to talk!

He’s Alive and I’m Forgiven…and I Believe It!!!

This is Easter Sunday, April 12, 2009. I’ve just come home from an awesome service with my church family at DFCC (Dutch Fork Christian Church in Irmo,SC) and I BELIEVE!!!
My pastor, Dave Bryan, laid it on the line today, and challenged each of us to defend WHY we believe WHAT we believe; let’s turn it around and say “WHAT do I believe and WHY? Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Do I believe in Jesus’ RESURRECTION from the dead?
Faith is defined as believing something you have not seen. I have faith that a chair is going to hold me when I sit down in it, even though I know next to nothing about chair physics. I have faith that my car’s motor will start, and when I put the car in drive, it will go forward, even though I have not seen the inside of my car’s ignition or transmission. We believe Not because we have seen the actual mechanics take place, BUT BECAUSE WE SEE THE END RESULTS.
Faith, in my life, is defined as believing in something I have not seen, namely the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ; but because I wasn’t there to witness it, I believe because I have seen lives changed from having a relationship with Jesus. I believe because I have personally experienced the changes that happen when you truly accept its’ truth. I believe because Christ fulfilled EVERY PROPHECY made about him in the Old Testament. I BELIEVE BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN CHANGED BY HIM.
If you call yourself a “Christian” because you were brought up a Methodist or Baptist, Presbyterian or Church of God, Episcopal, Nazarene, Pentacostal, or any other denomination’s church, but don’t really believe that Jesus could rise from the dead, then, according to the Bible (Romans 10:9) you cannot be a “Christian”. A “Christian” or “Follower of Christ” by definition is this: that you proclaim “Jesus is the supreme ruler of my life” and you believe that he rose from the dead. There is no middle ground…you must believe both parts of the statement…Jesus rules your life and you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he rose from the dead!

 

Can you make those 2 claims for your own life? Is Jesus Christ truly the ruler of your life? and did he really arise from the dead just as he said he would do?
Being a Catholic, Methodist, Baptist, Anglican, isn’t enough, my friend! As I said before, just because you go to a church once in a while doesn’t make you a Christian. If you don’t agree with me, that’s fine…but you need to look into this for yourself! Look at what the Bible says, not at what your friends, neighbors or pastor might say. I pray that you will check this out for yourself!

I’m Giving Up Lent for Lent!

Sorry for the long time since my last blog posting. I started to write again, and actually wrote about 4 paragraphs, and was feeling really good and pious and self-righteous…until I re-read
Romans chapter 14. Man, does God have a way of smacking you down and putting you in your place!
I initially intended for this blog to be a full-blown statement of my personal beliefs on Lent, Advent, and all of the other holy days and seasons that we observe as Christians, but this time, I was the one needing a little ministering to. In Romans 14, Paul is speaking to the Christians in Rome, and how some Jewish Christians still observed the Jewish holy days and feasts by not eating meats and Paul is “warning” (for lack of a better term) both the Gentile and Jewish Christians not to not look down on each other for how they eat, “for we will all (equally) stand before the judgement seat of God”.
It’s not about what we give up for Lent, or whether we eat pork or not, or anything thing that we might argue about as Christians, but the end result will be this: “For the kingdom of God does not consist of food and drink, but righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Romans 14:17
Where is our righteousness, our peace, our joy? Should it not be in the kingdom of God? Shouldn’t we be living a life filled with righteous behaviour all the time, a humbled-before-the-throne existence? Father, forgive me for my narrow-minded thinking. I just want to lift you up, and not tear others down. God, help me be a better beacon for you. I love you!